I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize