If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
