What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize