I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
