My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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