I will die if light touches me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
