Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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