Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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