I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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