It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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