I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
