No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
