Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
