I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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