Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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