maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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