Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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