i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
