Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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