Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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