Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
