I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
