a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
True but thats because hes a fetus.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize