The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize