closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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