i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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