You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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