nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
