Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
