You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
