I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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