My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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