What did we do last night that was yellow?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)