So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
