So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
