i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
