Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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