hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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