she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
