Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
