I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
