Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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