coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
