dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
