bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dignity is for republicans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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