We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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