1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
