GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
