my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
only you would photoshop your dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
