it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
