Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
