Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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