I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you win again, gameday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
