alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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