girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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