This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
