so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
