if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
