i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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