my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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