Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
