garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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