I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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