I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
