Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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