I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
