We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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