you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
